Daily Catholic Readings

A Catholic husband's painful divorce

By Matt C. Abbott

The following is a reflection (slightly edited) from a practicing Catholic husband and father on the pain of divorce — unwanted on his part. For prudential reasons, I'm keeping his identity anonymous.

John Doe writes:

'I can only say that my wife and I began our marriage 33 years ago pledging to live with less pottage. Despite that beginning, I see little fruit at the present moment. At our wedding we combined the Christian version of the Shakertown Pledge ('Pledge Toward a Church of the Beatitudes') into our program. We later joined the lay missionary effort and served in impoverished communities in Appalachia, using our God-given skills to support ourselves while serving our less-advantaged neighbors, and tithing generously.

'But while we may have begun on a solid, joint mission as a couple, as our children came into our lives, our core values were put to the test. My wife, a graduate of two liberal universities, became certain that her maternal prerogative was to establish the spiritual and material parameters of our children's universe with or without her husband's agreement — and eventually, with the court's assistance and with our bishop's approval, without her husband (except by means of court-approved visitation with the remaining minor children).

'Much has been written about how Catholicism is in decline, that church attendance is dismal with open rebellion against central doctrines (contraception, abortion) being tolerated in public by Catholic figures in politics and in entertainment. Little is said by bishops to correct open dissent by Catholics in the public eye.

'The silence of bishops correcting heresy, apostasy, and dissent in our culture has taught my wife and our three children that their father takes his faith too seriously and that it is their right to give lip-service (if even that!) to Catholicism per their mother's direction. Like the patriotic Knights of Columbus, who tolerate dissenting Catholic leaders among their ranks while bishops are silent, my wife/our children view their father as an 'old-school, Roman Catholic freak' for my attention to core Catholic doctrine and belief.

'But the arguments that ensued (before my wife's abandonment) when I held my ground against my wife's liberal yearnings for our children and their growing privileges at puberty and beyond led to my being labeled 'emotionally abusive' toward my spouse.

08/10/2011 Daily Readings and Homily | Austin Catholic New Media ...

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